Hanging out on Linkedin is always a mistake. Twenty minutes of scrolling and reading and I lose all hope for the future of humanity. Is this what end-stage capitalism looks like? Does anyone actually make or do anything remotely useful anymore?
I’ve seen an ever-increasing number of people who call
themselves coaches or consultants prowling the timeline or hitting my DMs with
sales pitches. Who are these people, and what are they selling? Well, in truth,
they’re selling nothing. They’ve turned themselves into a product and they are
selling some of their time to people who must be truly desperate or truly
gullible. Coaches for job seekers. Coaches for salespeople. Coaches for HR
professionals. Coaches for dressing professionally. Coaches for acquiring that
magical sauce called “executive presence.” Coaches for successfully using social media. Coaches for women who lack
confidence. Coaches for coaches, even. And my favorite most recent DM "a coach for busy moms who want to lose 20 pounds."
Some of their marketing techniques are a little sketchy. For
example, a woman who seems to be building a nice business being an HR
consultant and author posts multiple times a day, all variations on the same
formula, and none of it particularly deep or insightful. Mostly it’s “be nice
to people, give people a chance, don’t judge a book by its cover.” Or it’s a
picture of her in makeup and suit, making a big presentation somewhere. And
then another person, a woman with no picture and a rather vague profile, immediately
reposts her content. Every time. Like that’s totally legit.
Another one of these folks is a guy who proposes to help
“build your personal brand on Linkedin.” He seems to spend most of his time making
pithy, positive, happy comments on the posts of other influencers. He doesn’t
comment on my posts because I don’t have enough followers to be useful
to him. He always agrees with great enthusiasm with whatever has been posted
without ever actually adding any ideas or facts to the conversation.
I don’t understand why people give these folks money, sign up for their webinars, or schedule them to speak at their events. Declaring yourself an expert on social media doesn’t make it so. Publishing a book isn’t really that impressive an accomplishment either. I’ve read a lot of absolute rubbish books in the name of better business processes and self-help. Which reminds me of this other “coach” I found who actually “helps busy professionals get the most out of self-help books.” I shit you not. The most use I've ever gotten out of a self-help book is kindling for my woodstove.
If I were going to hire someone to coach me, I would want to be sure that person had walked the path I’m on, had succeeded, had overcome obstacles, had relevant and actionable insights to share. But honestly, that's about as likely as my hiring a butler.
Are all consultants shysters? I’ve been a consultant. I
was the kind of consultant who came in and interviewed stakeholders, wrote the
requirements, facilitated the scrum meetings, groomed the backlog, and tested
the code. I tried to create things of value, actual things that other people
actually used. Sometimes even customers.
Coaching is like consulting without actual deliverables.
It’s play money. Like crypto. Or NFTs. But that’s a whole other topic. It
smells like the death throes of an economy. People just exchanging money for
nothing and calling it business.
These coaches are eager to connect with you and anybody else
on Linkedin. But they’re not going to buy anything from you, or repost your
articles, so don’t bother trying that. This is not a two-way street.
